If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

There's no future in time travel.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.

Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

I  used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

Dyslexics of the world, untie!

Beat the 5 o'clock rush - Leave work at noon!

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

A good pun is its own reword.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

There's an exception to every rule, except this one.