Janet Baker sent me this file.


Over the massive front doors of a church, these words were inscribed: "The Gate of Heaven."
Below that was a small cardboard sign which read: "Please use other entrance." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Rev. Warren J. Keating, Pastor of the First Presbyterian Church of Yuma, AZ, says that the best prayer he ever heard was: "Lord, please make me the kind of person my dog thinks I am." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A woman went to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. "What denomination?" asked the postal clerk. "Oh, good heavens! Has it come to this?" said the woman. "Well, give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic ones." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A student was asked to list the 10 Commandments in any order. His answer: 3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, 7. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I was at the beach with my children when my four-year-old son ran up to me, grabbed my hand, and led me to the shore, where a sea gull lay dead in the sand. "Mommy, what happened to him?" my son asked. "He died and went to heaven," I replied. My son thought a moment and then said, "And God threw him back down?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "butwhy?" "Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our six year old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," my wife answered. Our daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"