"In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating
the world, so He took the Sabbath off. Adam and Eve were created from
an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark,
which animals came on to in pears. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by
day, but a ball of fire by night."

"Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread,
which is bread made without any ingredients. The Egyptians were all
drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to
get the Ten Commandments. The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam
to eat the apple."

"The Fifth Commandment is to humor thy father and mother. The Seventh
Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery."

"Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews
in the battle of Geritol. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when
Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him."

"David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with
the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines."

"When Mary heard that she was going to be the mother of Jesus, she sang
the Magna Carta."

"When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus
in the manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate
contraption. St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head."

"Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before
they do one to you. He also explained, 'Man doth not live by sweat

"It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the
tomb stone off the entrance."

"The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. The
epistles were the wives of the apostles. One of the opossums was St.
Matthew who was by profession a taximan."

"St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is
another name for marriage. A Christian should have only one spouse.
This is called monotony."
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